I am feeling that eerily familiar feeling of being left out, left behind, and forgotten. Jess and I had plans with all the kids this weekend but because of obligations my son had come up we couldn't make it.
Friday night I took my daughter to pick up her new glasses and do a bit of shopping. A friend of mine rode with to get out of the house. By the time we got back, it was rather late, I had a houseful of teenagers and Jess didn't answer her phone.
For most of Saturday, I didn't hear from Jess at all. Hours went by without her answering her phone or text messages. That always leaves me with the feeling that she is mad at me or something. I just get this feeling in me and I can't seem to shake it. It's not that she acts different when we talk, its that she doesn't communicate as often or say as much when we talk. It reminds me of when she was sick.
Today, we were supposed to take the kids to the big auto show. I was really looking forward to going and instead had to settle for tiny pictures sent from her cell phone. I know she was trying to include me the best she could but I couldn't help but feel left out.
When she did finally call, she was in the vehicle with all the kids and they were all talking and I couldn't hear or make sense of anything they were saying.
She did call around 10 to tell me good night but again didn't have much to say. I hate feeling like this and even when she does ask me what's wrong, I don't have the right words for what I am feeling.
I can't fault her for having fun with her kids when I'm not there, nor would I ever deny her that. I'm just feeling forgotten and unimportant and I'm angry with myself for allowing those feelings to take hold.
I know she loves me...that's all that should matter. Somehow tonight its not.
"Sigh" Just another day in the life of Claire....
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