I really want to post positive things in here, but the last few days have been so trying!
I have been "in the mood" for several days now, and every night, Jess has made it clear that she us NOT in the mood.
Not sure what's going on, but stay tuned for another episode of "A Day in the Life of Claire'
So there was a little to-do at our house tonight! Jess has my kids doing chores while I am at work and is doing laundry and cooking dinner herself , which is a blessing and a huge relief. However, my daughter hates to clean hee room. She will do nearly every chore in the house, even cleaning toilets, before she will clean her room.
Well today she told Jess that her chores were done and was allowed to go to the pool. It was found later that she had not cleaned her room. She threw a fit and fell asleep on her bed and ended up taking a 2 hour nap.
Later I asked Jess if she wills help me with some benefit stuff for my new job. She grudgingly helped but basically told me it was a bit of a bother. I apologized and she told me I was forgiven. I was kind of taken aback by that. I really didn't think that I did anything as bad as all that.
I slept too much yesterday so I was up late last night. I don't want to chalk these feelings up to "being tired" or because I may be. PMSing.
And to top it all off, he still wants nothing to so with making love....
Maybe I will just go to bed and we can talk about all this tomorrow! tomorrow...
What a sucky night in the life of Claire!
Well I guess I shouldn't have slept so much today. Twelve hours last night and a two hour nap this afternoon has left me wide awake. Add all my meandering thoughts to the laziness offers the day and you end up with insomnia. Not a good thing when I have to work tomorrow.
One of the many things floating through my energized brain is my insecurity over how I currently look. I have put on 5 of the pounds I lost and last Friday my left eye tooth broke off at the gum line. I feel fat and redneck and awful. And to top it all off, it doesn't seem like Jess has wanted to be romantic with me since my tooth broke. I hate it! I am a very sexual woman and need that type of contact. When I don't have it, I start to feel really insecure which generally makes things worse. I tried to talk to Jess about this today, but I don't think she heard what I was trying to say. She reassured me that she still finds me attractive and that she loves me, but at bedtime, I got a kiss goodnight, a few minutes of smuggling, and then she rolled over and went right to sleep....ugh...
Anyway...off to try this again...
Good night...from another sleepness night in the life of Claire....
Living with Jess is a little more difficult than I thought it would be. Not that its stressful or ruining our relationship or anything, but there are points of contention.
All my adult life I have just "done". I do the housework, the laundry last minute plans, time with my family I've just done it of I want to it think its the right thing to do.
Now, I have to consult with her on everything and sometimes (OK a lot of times) it seems like it has to be done her way without taking my feelings or considerations into account.
Today for example, we are cooking burgers in the grill. There is far more food than we need. So I asked if we should invite my dad and his wife up for the 4th. Jess said "Its too late notice" effectively closing the conversation.
My family is everything to me and since my mom died it feels like the family has disintegrated. I take every chance I can to spend time with them. Jess does not have a close relationship with her family and rarely sees them. When we are with my family I feel like she doesn't even try and sits by herself playing games on her phone until someone talks directly to her. It makes me feel bad because I don't want to leave her out and yet she makes no effort.
Another thing today is the clothes pins. I asked her to pick some up at the grocery store so I could use my new clothesline today. She said no because they would be too expensive there and she would get some at Walmart later. Again, she knew best!
Anyway, I'm sure that this is all a part of the adjustment period of living together and we will overcome....at least I hope we will.
Happy Independence Day everyone....stay cool....its 102° in this day in the life of Claire
So I survived the first day of my new job! I think it will be good. I seem to be getting along with my boss and was well received by the others in the office. Benefits are great! I'm starting with 3 weeks vacation, 12 sick days, and 10 holidays. Insurance is great and I even have my own parking space!
A great day in the life of Claire!
Well today I start my new job! I'm so nervous and out of sorts. I'm glad Jess is staying with me. She gave me a beautiful pep talk this morning and left me feeling like I can do anything.
I told her that I was afraid that people won't like me and that they would judge me. She looked me straight in the eye and said. "Of course they will judge you! Everyone judges, even you!" I hadn't thought of that, and I had a new perspective. Just because they judge doesn't mean its negative judgment.
So I step into my new role with a little more confidence!
Jess had to go back to Madison today for Dr. appointments. Physical, lab tests, meds review and an appointment with the psychiatrist. She's worried about her cholesterol. It was pretty high last time and I'm sure the 3 brats and the brisket tacos yesterday won't help! Hopefully everything is good and they won't change.anything. I'm hoping for very dew changes in the next couple months. I've had enough lately to last a lifetime.
Nice to know I will be going home to her every night though!
Until then...off to another day in the life of Claire!
