I had a dream about Jess last night. I don't often remember my dreams so I was a little surprised. I have dreamed about "him" a few times, but I don't ever remember dreaming about Jess.
In the dream Jess and I were going out. We were at her house getting ready and she came walking out of the bathroom in her wig and full make up. She was wearing a beautiful bra and panty set and had her clothes laid out on the bed. There were two different outfits and she was asking which I thought she should wear. I looked at her in confusion because I was expecting to be going out with "him" and was taken by surprise to learn it would be Jess and I instead. I don't remember feeling anything but surprise. It wasn't that I was surprised that Jess was there, it was more confusion because I misunderstood the plan. There was not shock, or withdrawing or curiosity or revulsion or dismay. There were none of the usually expected feelings when one sees their boyfriend walk out of the bathroom as a woman. It was just confusion that the plan had been changed and I didn't know.
So, being the self-analytical type, I have been thinking on this and trying to determine why I had this dream and what it means. Am I finally becoming "OK" with Jess? Is my level of acceptance becoming greater? Do I look at Jess now differently than I did before? I used to freak out thinking about "him" dressed. I used to have anxiety attacks and would feel smothered with fear at the possibility that "he" may have her clothes on. This weekend "he" was wearing a bra under "his" clothes and I snapped it and told "him" it was a right of passage and "he" laughed. It just all seemed so natural! She came to bed both nights this weekend with her bra and panties on. While I was curious as to what she looked like as "Him" in women's underclothes, there was no adverse or negative feelings associated with it whatsoever. I was happy about that! I guess all the baby steps I have taken along the way are starting to pay off.
I (we) still have a long way to go, but I can see positive advances being made and this makes me very happy. I hope I keep dreaming....
In the dream Jess and I were going out. We were at her house getting ready and she came walking out of the bathroom in her wig and full make up. She was wearing a beautiful bra and panty set and had her clothes laid out on the bed. There were two different outfits and she was asking which I thought she should wear. I looked at her in confusion because I was expecting to be going out with "him" and was taken by surprise to learn it would be Jess and I instead. I don't remember feeling anything but surprise. It wasn't that I was surprised that Jess was there, it was more confusion because I misunderstood the plan. There was not shock, or withdrawing or curiosity or revulsion or dismay. There were none of the usually expected feelings when one sees their boyfriend walk out of the bathroom as a woman. It was just confusion that the plan had been changed and I didn't know.
So, being the self-analytical type, I have been thinking on this and trying to determine why I had this dream and what it means. Am I finally becoming "OK" with Jess? Is my level of acceptance becoming greater? Do I look at Jess now differently than I did before? I used to freak out thinking about "him" dressed. I used to have anxiety attacks and would feel smothered with fear at the possibility that "he" may have her clothes on. This weekend "he" was wearing a bra under "his" clothes and I snapped it and told "him" it was a right of passage and "he" laughed. It just all seemed so natural! She came to bed both nights this weekend with her bra and panties on. While I was curious as to what she looked like as "Him" in women's underclothes, there was no adverse or negative feelings associated with it whatsoever. I was happy about that! I guess all the baby steps I have taken along the way are starting to pay off.
I (we) still have a long way to go, but I can see positive advances being made and this makes me very happy. I hope I keep dreaming....
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