One day at a time...

I am slowly learning to take life one day at a time. It may not always be what I want it to be but it is worth living.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and with Jess' support I started counseling yesterday. There is a lot going on in my life even without being in love with someone in Jess' situation.

I have always felt different, like I didn't belong or fit in, even in my own family. When I was about 8, I rummaged through my parents bedroom looking for adoption papers because I feel like I didn't fit in with my family. That has followed me into adulthood.

Besides that, in the last 4 years I have had several traumatic incidents happen. I lost both my beloved mother and grandmother within a year of each other. I lost 2 jobs and watched the love of my life spiral down what seemed like a never ending path of depression that I couldn't stop.

My mother's death was incredibly traumatic for me. She was my best friend and I am devastated by her loss.

After my mom died, my father started seeing another woman. Well to be honest, he started seeing her long before my mom passed, like 30 years ago even though my parents were married for 46 years until the day my mom died.

Now I have to deal with this woman living in my mom's house, coming to family events, and weaseling her way into our lives. It fills me with anger and bitterness. I don't want to carry that over and pass it down to my kids.

Add all that to the situation of single-parenthood and the feelings of aloneness and you have the makings of one of the greatest tragedy stories in history.

I finally came to realize that I am overwhelmed and past the point of being an effective parent or partner.  Its definitely time to do something.

I found a therapist who not only deals with anxiety and depression,  but is a certified sex therapist as well. She will be able to counsel Jess and I as a couple down the road if we so choose. I'm really hoping she can help me make some sense of all this.

Until then its just one day at a time in the life of Claire.