For those of you who don't know me, I am Claire Stanger...well, that in itself is simply a moniker I gave myself, kind of a psuedo/alter-personality. You see I am a genetic, heterosexual girl that is madly in love with a transgendered woman. While we love each other deeply, her true identity must remain a highly guarded secret. She is in deep stealth at this point and can not risk anyone finding out. Therefore, in order for me to write and get the feelings out, I will write under the name "Claire Stanger".
To those of you new to the culture, a genetic girl is someone who is born a girl and views herself as a girl. A transgendered woman is someone who is born male, but views themselves as being born in the wrong body, they view themselves as being a woman. Trans-women can be in all stages of transitioning (changing into a woman). Some are in deep stealth, meaning that no one knows their secret and they will only appear as a woman in the utmost secrecy. This could be due to family, friends, work, a multitude of reasons. Some women are completely through their transition, meaning them have had their surgery and are living full time as a woman, barely distinguishable from a genetic female.
Well, enough of the vocabulary lesson for now. If you have questions, let me know. Now about me. I was not looking for a trans relationship. I was barely out of a 9 year marriage with 2 small children in tow. I was looking for a man, someone I could fall in love with...I prayed and prayed I would find someone. In my mind, it was always a man that I saw...I had never found women attractive, never thought about being in a relationship with a woman. I was heterosexual....give me a big strong man, I was happy. Then I met HIM.
Our relationship started nearly 4 years ago. I met HIM first, online, and it was fantastic. We could talk, we could relate, we laughed....we met, we fell in love. Three months later, HE told me about Jessica. What a shock. Here was the man of my dreams, the one who treated me like a princess, the one who believed in me and made me believe in myself. I trusted him as no other and couldn't help but feel betrayed. Despite the pain, the confusion and the sadness, I made the choice to stay with him, to work things out. Maybe I was naive, no I know I was naive...had I known the pain and the heartache to come, I would have walked away. But love won out and here we are 4 joyous, beautiful, painful years later.
I can't say that it has always been easy...on the contrary there are times when it has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. Fear has jumped in the way many times and cause road blocks for us. But, as Randy Pausch says in his book, Roadblocks are merely there to make you see how badly you want something. If you want it bad enough, there is a way around the roadblock.
It has also been the best thing to ever happen to me. Jessica is warm, caring, and loving. She knows exactly what I need, when I need it because she has the same feelings. She understands women's cycles, though she doesn't have one herself. She understands being emotional and changing your mind and shopping. She listens, she cheers me on and she loves me no matter what my past holds! What more could I ask for???
I love Jessica from the bottom of my heart and every day is a new day, every day is a learning day, every day that she is in my life is a joyous day!
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