OMG!! I can't say a word to her without it being turned into some huge drama or having her feel like I am criticizing her. On her FB page she made a comment about way too much on her mind and that she is thinking of going away somewhere. A friend of hers made the comment of "just where do you think you are gonna go?" (which is taken with a grain of salt because of who wrote it) and so I tagged on with " And do you think it would solve the problem?" And of course I am criticizing her! Where in the hell did that come from. She just added "Claire" onto her site this morning and the first thing I write to her is wrong on so many levels. I went back and deleted the post I made. Maybe being on her FB page isn't the right thing....it was just a way to try to enter her world and feel more a part of it. Guess I will just watch for now and not write anything.
I am trying to be more involved in her "world", in the trans culture. I am trying to learn. I have determined that I can't go through our relationship with blinders on, that I have to be a part of ALL of it or this relationship won't work. And the minute I try, I am whacked back down! I offer support, it is turned away. I offer comfort, only to have it brushed off. I try to give her a kick in the pants to snap her out of her pity party and I get the silent treatment. UGH!!! What do I do???? I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to curl up in a ball!
UGH, this is so hard the last few weeks she has been soooooooo temperamental and emotional. I swear, even though she wasn't born with the parts, she pms's way worse than I do!!
She really seems to go in cycles. Being that she is in deep stealth, she can't always express herself in the way that she wants to or needs to. The longer she goes without expressing herself (dressing), the worse it is. She gets ornery, crabby, emotional, downright bitchy somedays! It is hard on me because I am the one closest to her and I take the brunt of it. Good thing God gave me wide shoulders. Most others would throw their hands up in disgust and walk away.
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